Tag: servant leadership

What is losing myself?

Losing myself to me means that I am “in the zone”. It means I am in a meditative space where my whole focus is just on that one thing. There’s no multi-tasking when I am in the zone. And it’s kind of a place of selfishness or self-centeredness, also, which, ultimately, can be a blessing to others who benefit from my creative endeavors.

Note: This is not a place of self-harm or of neglecting or abusing others. That’s not the type of losing myself that I’m referring to. This is not about whigging out / or blanking out while attacking others, nor about numbing out or vegging out to the point of self-neglect or the neglect of my responsibilities to others.

Why I Now Embrace Unique Activities

Making time for things I love is so important to me, at this stage of my life, even if it’s not things that others around me also love. It took me until I got to about 40 years old to finally give myself permission to focus in on things that I love without a seal of approval from others around me. Sometimes this is called codependency… being reliant on others to approve your activities. And I realize that I was miserable and anxious before I started doing that, and I have no plans of returning to that place of being on pins and needles worried about what others think of me and my unique interests.

Another Note: Full disclosure, I started making these changes for myself in my late 30’s or early 40’s, but I didn’t really understand why this is important for me until my 50’s, when I began seeing a therapist that specializes in healing from complex post-traumatic stress disorder, along with co-dependency and narcissitic abuse.

My Unique Activities

Obviously, I am a blogger (and author), and have been blogging since before it was called blogging (year 2000)… it used to be called online journaling. I’ve also been making YouTube videos and podcasting since I first started homeschooling my kids when they were little (about 2008), and they’re now all young adults. Nowadays, I have been using these skills in other ways, including sharing a series about healthier ways for dealing with grief.

Losing Myself In My Unique Activities

I am an extroverted introvert, meaning that I am able to speak in public, be on camera, and talk with strangers, but I still LOVE being alone and delving into creative activities. My creative activities lately have included:

• Creating a podcast and YouTube channel that is designed to help women leaders who have survived trauma (including caregivers) and are now striving towards their lofty goals despite the setbacks of life
• Creating a mentorship program for my co-workers to help them improve their independent LiveOps businesses so they can have better quality work and get paid more

Focus / Meditative Processes or Activities

Ok so things I do that really help me get into and stay in my “creativity bag” or “stay in the zone” include:

• Putting my iPhone (and all ios devices) into Personal Focus mode for 1 hour so that no notifications come through at all for that period of time
• Attending co-working events with a group of trusted Women leaders who are doing the same, focusing on their own important activity/work
• Turning off all inputs, radio, tv, podcasts, youtube, everything, and just sitting in quiet so I can listen to my own heart-spirit because that’s when/where God’s Holy Spirit speaks to me and boosts my creativity the most

What I Mean By Meditation

Meditation has come to mean different things to different people. For me, meditation literally means just that. Sitting and thinking (or not thinking) while breathing and just existing in a quiet space. But, it is also sometimes walking or doing another activity that is “mindless” while I am alone with my own thoughts.

And, with the help of my therapist, now I also sometimes incorporate tapping. It’s an EMDR therapy to help with healing from post-traumatic stress. I use this when I am upset and recovering from recent hard things / traumas, such as when a family member went missing. This has been a very useful and helpful therapy for me, and it’s surprisingly simple, but what’s not simple is remembering to use it when there’s a high-pressure situation going on.

When Do I Have Time For Meditation

My main time for meditation is early in the morning before my youngest gets ready for school. This is my time for prayer, for reading and/or listening to Holy Scripture, and for meditation because I need to give Father God, by His Holy Spirit, time to speak back to me after I have concluded praying and laying my heart out to Him. This is the time when I know that no one and nothing will interrupt me.

To make meditation even more effective, sometimes journaling also helps, including: a) the type of journal that is discarded after brain dumping, and b) journaling the responses that Spirit speaks back to me in answer to my prayers

However, I’ve also started using my lunch times for meditation, which means that I spend less time on my phone scrolling, and more time just sitting in quiet. This lunch time to focus and listen to my own heart also helps on the days when I was more rushed in the morning and didn’t get my early morning time in. And sometimes I do this when work has been more stressful than normal, so that I can center myself before I get back to interacting with others.

Making meditation time a priority has become more prominent in my life because I can see the fruit of it in my life. I am definitely calmer during crisis. I am definitely more resilient after dealing with trauma. So having time for meditiation is my choice, and I choose it more every day.

Segmenting my time, not just daily, but also yearly, quarterly, monthly and weekly, also helps me to have more time for meditation. So, for instance, I took off from social media and from meetings during the first two months of the year to ensure that I had more time to rest, recover, and refill before pouring out my creativity for the benefit of others. I am confident that choosing to set aside these months, along with weekly times (e.g., on Sunday’s) are helping me to hear my own heart more clearly so that I am not as easily distracted by shiny objects or not as easily swayed by other people’s priorities (agendas) for me that do not align with my own priorities.

Conclusion

Viewing my time as the treasure that it is has really helped me to stop letting others waste my time and to make more time for my unique interests. Finding a good place and time to meditate helps open up my creativity more and brings me into a place of being refreshed and refilled. In this way, I am able to be a better leader and to serve others from a full pitcher as I pour out into their cups/pitchers. And it also helps me to remember to keep stopping for my regular refills of my pitcher by those who I trust with pouring into me, including the Holy Spirit and other people who God is using in my life.